There are a some posts on this blog I no longer stand by- I cringe knowing this is pretty much an archive of all my emo thoughts from the past couple years. 

I’m probably going to deactivate this account and create an open journal for whatever I want to write about. 

Once I get that going I’ll just post the URL for my friends that still frequent Tumblr and promptly deactivate this account. 

It’s been a minute since I’ve taken the time to articulate my thoughts. Business has picked up a bit and I’m pretty swamped with projects most of the time. I’m tired but it’s a good tired.

Frankly I can’t believe how far I’ve gotten and the excitement I have for my life. I’m changing my mindset and surrounding myself with positive, motivated people with a passion for creation. I don’t think about my misfortune often, I’ve learned to see my mistakes as opportunities.

I have this hot, burning fire inside of me that rages on . I feel a quietness in my conscious and so much LOVE.

And I know that this is just the beginning, I’m pulling everyone up with me. If I can’t by direct action then just by contact. Positivity is infectious.

I’m not dismissing my mental illness and the turbulence I’ve experienced in terms of new symptoms and chronic issues- but I’m thinking about it differently. I’m not using it as a crutch to avoid challenges, I’m not thinking about it as a type of deficiency. It is a part of me and it will always be with me and it’s taken me so long to comprehend that it doesn’t have to hold me back.

I think a huge turning point was when someone I don’t care for entered room and I recoiled but then I thought, ‘ how sad it must be to be someone no looks forward to seeing’ I felt empathy for them in a way and so much of the weight I had on my shoulders lifted.

I’m just really happy to have the people I have in my life right now. Even the people that have left I’m grateful for- it makes the people you love just that much more precious and special.

Everything is going in a pretty neat direction and I know whatever happens it’s gonna be okay

Lmfaoooo ok

Something became clear to me today- I am harboring a lot of resentment and hurt. I wish I could say I wasn’t affected by the actions of some, I wish I could say that everything was cut clean but it wasn’t. When one exerts (literally  immeasurable  ) emotional labor and care in someone you become invested. I have been so mad at myself for feeling pain over this? 

The last time I cut a friend off (before this) it sucked for a long time. Frankly, I was heartbroken. It might sound kind of backwards but I used to expect dishonesty and disrespect from partners but never from friends. People that I call friends are FAMILY. I would die for any one of my friends in a heartbeat. So when I called this girl a ‘friend’ I felt that. So when it ended I had a lot of rethinking to do- I established new boundaries, recognized my willing ignorance and mistakes, and eventually moved on. 

This time its kinda different. I was conscious of all the wrong the entire time it as happening. I let myself be lied to, I let myself be disrespected, I was a participant the entire time. I made excuse after excuse for unacceptable behavior and I ENABLED it by trying to justify or indulge it. It was weird and symbiotic. 

I’ve spent the last couple months steeping in all of my resentment and hurt. But I’ve spent so much energy on this and I can’t change what happened. I’m tired of being angry. So I’m closing this door for good. I’m not looking back. I am not engaging in conversations regarding this person. I am making my peace and moving on. This is the last nail in the coffin. The last thing I’m gonna say is I hope you learn. 

(via rezime-deactivated20240708)

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berry cute letters sent to all my friends 🍓💌 this stationary was my mom’s back in the 70s!

(via m0ssg0blin)

aerthemis:

i’m a simpel man, i see moss i go touch

(via chamomilecore)

I feel like I have so much to say but I have no energy to spare.

(Source: instagram.com, via victorious)